Professional Nothing

I’ve been sitting here for quite some time, debating on whether or not I should even keep this blog. I had all sorts of ideas of what I’d like to write about, and I even kept a spreadsheet indicating what would be best to write about next, that I knew would last for years. But lately, I feel as though my life has become so different from what it used to be, that I have no energy for keeping updates along the way.

But I’m fairly certian I am wrong.

Wrong, because it matters what happens in my life, even if I don’t always think it does.

Wrong, because I know someone out there may read what I have to say and find that it pertains to their life in some way.

Wrong, because even though I may feel a certain way, not everyone else agrees.

And that’s the beauty of it.

I want there to be thought-provoking consciousness in what things I have to say. Sometimes I don’t think what needs to be said should be said by me. I am, after-all, not a professional blogger, not a professional writer, and not in any way a professional. Period. So I’m constantly plagued with thoughts that I shouldn’t be saying anything anyways. My voice isn’t as important as someone who makes a living from expressing points-of-view. So why do I say anything anyways?

I am determined to believe that we can remain vocal, yet open. I know that I can express my opinions and beliefs and still find ways to change my way of thinking. Not everything is one way or the other. No “my way or the highway”. No “black” vs. “white”. If I can believe that, then I know there’s millions of other people out there who can, on some level, agree and/or respect that.

So maybe I’m not a professional anything. So what? If I can bring something new to the table, in my own words, just as countless of other normal people have, then what makes my voice less appealing than others? Do I really think that low of myself? Should I? Am I supposed to never have a self-encouraging thought?

What makes self-ambition and self-uplifting seem so disingenuous and ego-centric? I think we have enough self-depricating society out there as it is; I know I have those feelings most of the time, at least. And it seems that the more self-loathing individuals there are, the more mentally and physically ill they become.

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted from feeling like I don’t think I have anything of worth to say. Hence why it’s been so long since I’ve said anything on here. I’m so tired of putting myself down in order to appear humble and selfless in society’s eyes. Not because those aren’t good qualities to have, but because I think I’ve learned how to find humility the wrong way. I believe a lot of other people have learned the wrong way too.

For instance, being ambitious (whether it be ambition to be successful, or ambition to be a better person) at others expense is obviously wrong. To bring someone else down in order to lift yourself up, is clearly out of line. But if you work hard to achieve confidence in your work – serious, and/or play – then it is not misguided to do so and to pat yourself on the back for a job well-done, so long as it does not poorly effect the people around you.

Lift others up, as you would want to be lifted. Encourage success in you peers and friends, and you will be better for it. Even if you can’t agree with their lifestyle, if it makes them happy and fills their life with joy, there’s no reason why we should strip that away from them by telling them that they are wrong. Unless they are hurting someone else mentally or physically.

So I guess I’ll keep trying. Even though I have my bad days where I feel like my words are useless, I’ll continue to make an effort. It may not be professional, but at least it’s a piece of me that which I can improve.